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Live Your Best Sex Life: Sex is Not Just For Valentine’s, How to Increase Sexual Intimacy

Live Your Best Sex Life: Sex is Not Just For Valentine’s, How to Increase Sexual Intimacy

There is more to life than sex. Surprised to hear me say that? What I mean is, there is more to a relationship, more to our sexual minds, and more to sex, than penetration, or even getting naked for that matter. In this modern world where we flick from big screen to small screen, communicate through Whatsapp messages from opposite sides of the house and work ourselves to the bone, we lose sight of what it means to be in an intimate relationship.

Sex, for many in the busy modern world, often gets reduced to ‘special occasion’ sex – Valentine’s, birthdays, New Years, etc. Don’t get me wrong, special occasion sex can be just that, special, but does this mean we start to neglect our duties as a sexual partner and make the effort only when it is expected, rather than surprising with the unexpected? 

I don’t want to be giving you sex tips straight out of a magazine, there is enough content out there if you want to learn how to give an amazing strip-tease or get your legs above your head. But I will make a fantastic case for sex on a Tuesday, for sex just because, and for sex other than on Valentine’s day. 

The secret to sex on a Tuesday, can be often grounded in two interconnected elements: effort and intimacy. I am here to tell you that you can improve your sex life without even having sex, and it is all down to taking the time and effort to connect, build intimacy and remind yourselves why you were at it like rabbits to begin with. 

FOREPLAY SAVES (SEX) LIVES

Okay I lied, there are ways you can improve your sex life which do very much involve sex of some description. Foreplay is an art-form which I believe many of us ignore when we are tired and busy. It is a rushed affair which is cast aside in favour of getting down to it. Whilst there is nothing wrong with a quick roll around, if you are looking to spend longer between the sheets and improve your intimacy, foreplay should be your number one priority. Foreplay can start long before you get into the bedroom. A cheeky sext here, a long and sensuous kiss there. It is about taking the time to build up some sexual tension and make each other feel good. When you focus on being sexually intimate with your partner before intercourse, it shows you want to make your parter feel good, that you find them attractive and that you see your intimate time together as an important part of your relationship. Skipping on foreplay too often means skipping on giving your partner your time of day, and everyone loves a saucy mid-day sext.  

QUALITY OVER QUANTITY 

Without rolling your eyes at me, I know that this seems completely obvious, but you would be surprised at how terrible we all are at spending proper quality time together.  It could be a walk after work, a film night or maybe dinner at the table with music instead of in front of the TV. The point is to actively set aside your time for each other, where you can talk, laugh and really connect. This is just the first stage however, anyone can whack on a film after dinner and call it ‘quality time’, but when you take a step back, how many messages did you reply to during the film? Did your partner have to explain a bit you missed because you were flicking through Instagram? Do you feel like you watched that film together, or would it have been just the same alone. No, I am not saying every single thing you watch requires your upmost attention or awareness, but if you are serious about quality time, then make sure it really is quality. Knowing you are really listened to by your partner and having proper moments with each other will build up a better emotional connection. Better emotional connection = better sex. 

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LEARN THE LANGUAGE 

You could think the world of your partner but they could feel like they aren’t getting what they need from you emotionally. Why? Because whilst you might be showering them with gifts, they could just need you to physically touch them more or tell them how you feel. This is called a love language. Everyone has a love language which they express, and a love language they respond best to. It might be gift giving, emotional support, physical touch, but the key to building a more intimate relationship is to figure out what each others language is. Once you have that nailed, not only can you appreciate how your partner expresses affection in their own love language, but you can also learn to make sure you appeal to their emotional needs too.

Working on becoming more sexually intimate with your partner will do wonders for the quality and frequency of your sex life. As Valentine’s day approaches fast and you search for the perfect sexy candles and chilled bottle of bubbles, my wish for you is this: consider lighting them tonight. Consider texting your partner something filthy at lunchtime and consider putting your phone down and really listening to their thoughts. Sex is great on Valentine’s, but it is just as great the day after, the week before or even the average Tuesday. 

What's your love language?

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