There’s a plethora of reasons that keep us bound mentally to a person, object, experience, or place. Perhaps it’s unexplainable, and all we can say is it’s an energy – it’s a bonding and pulling energy, or perhaps we do have reasons as to why we feel bound or attached to that thing. Whichever side it may be – it doesn’t necessarily make it easier. Likewise on the other hand, the attachments sometimes are positives, but how do we handle these feelings nonetheless? Let’s dive into it!
Without going into too many specifics about particulars such as ex relation attachments, or bonds to places, attachments to objects, or experiences etc, it’s important to firstly recognise why we feel this way and have this strong attachment.
1 – Did the person make us happy? Did we feel loved? Was that place where I had my first strong memories in life? Did that experience bring me lessons learned and favorable memories? Was that experience traumatic? Did that person treat me poorly but I still feel a sense of connection and comfort with them? No matter if it doesn’t make sense to everyone, or even if it’s contradictory, it’s key to identify why we are attached still. (Both for the bad connections that may hurt us, and for the good connections so we can remember those feelings and try to create more of them.)
2 – Ask yourself – what is the end goal here? It’s important to know that many of us may not actually know what we want from this feeling and how to have it evolve in the future. So, in turn, ask yourself what do I want from this right now? These two questions will most likely really stump us, and have us thinking for a good amount of time. Recognise that yes, these are feelings and mental attachments are sometimes ways we cope with trauma, hurt, loss, or disappointment. Physical attachments are likewise sometimes a way to cope – revisiting a favorite spot in town because you miss the experience there, constantly rechecking someone’s social media account to see if they’ve posted lately, etc.
3 – Upon coming out of the question – what is the end goal here – now let’s look at sitting with these feelings. Are they benefitting me or harming me? Is it taking up way too much of my time? Is it affecting my work or personal life? If it’s a yes to any of these questions, it may be worth re-evaluating why we spend so much time being attached to these things. We want good for ourselves, that’s a given, as we try to cope and comfort ourselves through these attachments, but we do need to snap ourselves back into the power position.
4 – The power position is the position where we take back our authority and power. What do you want in life? What areas of your life do you need to take back empowerment on? Do you need courage, strength, positivity, motivation? All these things are where we can reclaim our power and control as the driver in our lives and narratives. Also can we take a moment to remember how COOL it is to be the boss of your own life? Take control and drive your life towards what you want to achieve and what happiness is for you! For example, I have this unbelievable pull towards Bali, I’ve visited and loved the place and the people and know I will be there at some point to live and work for a bit. However, am I spending my days agonizing over why I can’t be there now etc? No – I am working on myself and the parts of me that I want to bring there and further exude to the world. Take back your power and love your goals / dreams, but instead of just passively thinking of them – actively work on them!
5 – If we are revisiting or feel attached to positive things in our lives such as attachment to great successes, attachment to meeting our idols, attachment to reaching several of our goals, that’s amazing – however remember to not stay complacent. Complacency comes where we are satisfied and content with what occurred and don’t choose to push on and excel even further. Our lives and narratives are endless, and we as the drivers in our lives have the power and potential to one up ourselves. Imagine the joy, proudness, thrill, and confidence we may feel when we exceed our past achievements and past memorable experiences?
Being attached to a thing, person, experience, or place, doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. Likewise, if it is bad or detrimental to us or the other thing, it never hurts to reflect deeply on ourselves. Know that from change comes greatness, staying comfortable in the known is safe or a coping mechanism, and there is so much greatness that comes from changing our ways and our path!
Growth comes from tearing ourselves out from comfort and pushing forward to grow through the icky, tedious, tiring, and draining processes of life. Successful people always are reflecting and re-evaluating themselves and their paths. It’s what we do to continue on a strong and fresh path of longevity. Yes, right now talking to your ex may be a very comfortable thing even though you know for your own health and growth, if you cut ties, there could be immense growth and new opportunities. So, take the leap of faith and embrace the uncomfortableness – sit in the silence of no texts, and furthermore push yourself to reignite yourself and what makes you, you.