In the modern age of FaceTime, Zoom, WhatsApp, Facebook, and Instagram, there’s no shortage of connectivity amongst each other. We are constantly connected and unlike any other generation, we are actually having to pull ourselves away from the web. Likewise, more and more individuals are being just that – individuals. A lot of us are finally really enjoying the freedom and joy we find in being by ourselves, and want to translate that to our relationships. Being a strong individual alone, doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy, happy relationship!
This article is about how to be there for each other when long distance relationships are on the rise. Optimism on making things work is more present than ever, and technology just isn’t an issue in staying connected.
1 – Stay connected but also take breaks! Unless you’re a couple who honestly and truly love staying connected every…single…minute of the day, you’re probably similar to a lot of us who need a break from our partners or loved ones. Not talking for half a day or a day at a time can help keep things fresh and entertaining. However, don’t let it get out of hand and not talk to each other for a whole month – unless duly notified. One time, I was ghosted for an entire month…disgustingly true, and rightfully so I’m using the word ghosted – as there was no prior communication or warning. Allow communication to really flow especially upon discussing breaks.
2 – Listen to *Nsync’s Digital Get Down, and well… get down with your partner – both sensually AND/OR intellectually. Obviously being cautious and really trusting in your partner is so important – if you are uncomfortable digitally exploring sexual grounds with your partner, then perhaps look at another avenue such as voice messages where your face and body isn’t in the picture, or send erotic written passages from erotic novels, or mail parcels with things they like in the bedroom such as lingerie, or toys, or treats etc.
For those of us who aren’t sexually active or wish to experience other avenues with their partners or pals, get down with them by sending them things they like, such as favorite game updates that you play together, favorite facial care products, favorite desserts from their local cafe etc. Likewise on a deeper and just as important note (particularly if the relationship you’re looking at is of a close friend or family member) – remind them of your interest in their intellectual interests. Send them an article of something they’re interested in if it reminded you of the intellectual things they like, for example: “Hey, I was reading this article about diversity and equality amongst Women of Color within the corporate workplace and how this startup overthrew their sexist CEO and how they did it, and I know the topic of diversity and women’s rights are something we’re both interested in so I thought you’d like to read it”. 1 – you’re showing you’re going out to search for and read things they’re interested in, and 2 – instead of sending them memes, this goes further into tapping around the intellectual side of your connection and showing you look deeper than at cat pics.
3 – Focus on the positive aspects of the relationship & practice good communication. Perhaps you’re able to really grow your business now as you have more time to yourself. Perhaps you can focus on meal prepping if it’s only you taking up space in the fridge. While there is joy within the relationship, find the positives around this time apart and use it to your advantage in growing yourself. Likewise in this realm, set clear boundaries on what you both can do – is this long distance relation an open relationship? Is it polyamorous? Do you like your space and want to explain to your partner that you want to pause on communication on weekends as they’re set aside for you and only you? Either way, make sure you both are trusting the other one and are happy in the boundaries and expectations set aside. Open communication really makes things run so much smoother than ugly surprises.
4 – Make future plans with each other. In the midst of the pandemic many of us can’t plan our next trip due to city entrance controls, however even discussing where you guys would like to go *someday* puts thrill into the relationship (both platonic relations and romantic ones.) Discuss the plans you want to achieve with each other, like buying a house someday, or getting a pet etc, this may also bring up issues or disagreements which may even further open your eyes to similarities or non-similarities. Importantly so, it may even improve your relationship as through arguments, you have to resolve the matter verbally or written if you’re in long distance, there’s no physical aspect and perhaps this may work better. Obviously being in the moment is crucial, but being in a long distance relationship or any relationship for that matter – you need to sometimes really make sure you’re on the same page for the future.
Overall, as mentioned, open & respectful communication is so important. Even if you both can’t see eye to eye on something, 1 – make sure those things aren’t one of your core values for example cultural or racial rights, not just disagreements on favorite foods, and 2 – respecting your differing opinions is just a part of a healthy relationship (again, as long as it’s not a huge core value of yours that they can’t seem to be on the same page with you as.) In times of difficulty and stress, do look at the bigger picture, and remember how important and lovely it is to have created this circle of love, and that you’re experiencing life together (even at a distance!), no matter the distance, as love and energy travels further than any distance does.