Have we ever questioned how to actually be alone? Within the possible loneliness that comes with self-isolation, how do we turn loneliness into peace within our solitude? The most important areas that bring in our solitude are trusting our intuition, creating a mindful space, and choosing ourselves.
In the book Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, she explains “…The most important thing […] about the timing of the home cycle is this: When it’s time, it’s time. Even if you’re not ready, even if things are undone, […] When it’s time, it’s time.” Additionally Estés says “For the soul-self-psyche, vacation […] is not the same as returning to home. Calmness is not the same as solitude.” We have to return to us to really become whole and content, and to reignite and rejuvenate our solitudes.
When we feel too alone and uncontent with our solitude, plenty of us may go back to old comfortable habits. Maybe poignant memories with our exes will be of the ones that make us excited & loved. Even if the relationship ended poorly, many of us may be quick to say “it wasn’t that bad…” as time goes on, our memory becomes foggy, emotions aren’t as heightened as before, and we miss what is no longer with us. Let’s take a step back from returning to old – possibly negative habits, and review a few steps in bringing back our solitude and enjoyment in it.
1 – Use this time to strongly affirm and empower yourself.
It takes quite a bit to really believe the affirmations we tell ourselves, for example saying “I’m beautiful” is scratching the surface, and we want to go deeper than that! Look at your situation, what’s bothering you or worrying you, and create your affirmations into specifically what you’re going through, to believe them.
I recently was reunited with someone and it didn’t go necessarily how I wanted it to – I felt it lacked what it used to be and rightfully so – we are changed people. But I still felt the disappointment, and in all honesty it wasn’t anyone’s fault. After watching hours of motivational videos and listening to coaches, finally one piece of advice really hit me.
And that is exactly it, until it really hits you, we most likely won’t believe the affirmations, empty shells of affirmations are sometimes helpful – but usually, we see right through them. The piece of advice that resonated was to remember in ex relations – where the other person ended it, that person didn’t choose you in the end (for whichever reason, whether it was a disappointing reason or reasonable one.) Through all my efforts & wants, I recognized how I wasn’t being chosen still. Finally, my affirmations to myself were: “to show up for myself, remember I am worthy of being chosen and that me, myself, and I, will always choose myself first.”
Heavily believing in your affirmations, in turn unravels the gravity of creating affirmations that we can relate to and truly sets us free. This opens the space for being at peace with our solitude as we aren’t chasing for someone else to fill our space. To support this, a great quote to add would be by Maya Angelou, “I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side.”
2 – Finding our solitude and being happy in it is bliss.
We have to Instagram what we’re doing right now and get reactions, we have to have YouTube playing in the background to create some noise. All that is fine – in moderation, but ask – is it hindering our alone time? Are these distractions stunting our growth, as our mindsets and visions are blurred by content where we compare and memorize what other people are doing? Be wary and mindful of where we go when it’s time to be present and still.
It’s good to become mindful of our habits that are clogging our space. Perhaps put our phones on silent an hour before sleeping, put on some singing bowls or mediation audio to intentionally create a space to meditate and wind down, and finally, maybe just lay down and breathe – nothing more, nothing less, just be still.
There are aspects all around us that are constantly changing and that we don’t have control over. We have control over how we react and live. Our solitude doesn’t have to suffer – we have the right and the ability to control how we choose to find our solitude again and to enjoy that peace once again. Our inner peace comes from showing up for ourselves & spending time doing things we genuinely find joy in. It’s all within you.